When I was younger, I, just as many young people, had no clue who I was. I knew my name. I knew I was Michael and Laura Young’s only daughter. But other than knowing that I was Carla Young, I really didn’t know much about this person. In fact, because I often felt like a square peg that didn’t fit in anywhere, I actually thought that God made a mistake when He made me.
If you would’ve told me that I was valuable and special to God, I would have laughed in your face. To believe that would mean that I had to believe that God cared about me. I knew that my parents loved me, but I figured that was because they had to. I mean, what parent doesn’t love their own child? But I often thought that perhaps I was a disappointment. As I got older, I still did not see the significance in my life.
I was not suicidal, but I wondered why I was here? Why was I born? It’s not that I hated my life either. I had a good life. I loved the life that my parents gave me. I loved my childhood and my young adult years. I just did not understand my purpose. I didn’t feel that I was offering anything of significance to this world, or even to those I knew.
I remember one time I killed a bug and more or less “cursed” its existence. My father heard me and adamantly stated that there is a purpose for everything and everyone. Even the insects. God didn’t make mistakes.
It was not until I was an adult; married with children, that something clicked in my mind. See, all the time that I questioned my own existence and belittled God, I was using the gifts that He’d given me. I was writing, working with the youth, adults, and even teaching in the church. Yet, I would say things negative things about myself the whole time and I would not acknowledge that God endowed me with talent in order to serve my purpose. I had an epiphany about who Carla was one day, and my life changed for the better.
That epiphany was no doubt a breakthrough from God. It was then that I realized that God Himself gifted me. When I saw God, that is when I saw Carla. It was so clear to me then. I was not a mistake! I was not a disappointment! I was not insignificant! I was in existence from the time that God created the world. I was in God’s mind when He said, “Let there be.” I did not come to be on October 21, 1961. God already knew me! I already was! And all that was in me was to be used for my purpose in life.
We are all “wonderfully and fearfully” made by God. We were made with intention. God knew us before we were even conceived physically. When I realized that, I began to worship God like never before and to praise Him. To put myself down….His creation….was to put Him down. It’s a slap in God’s face to diminish who I am. Today, I walk in the knowledge and the power of who I am. I am handmade by God. And yes, He cares about me. Not only that, He loves me!
“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16 NIV
Carla Y. Nix
Live On Purpose Ministries
If you would’ve told me that I was valuable and special to God, I would have laughed in your face. To believe that would mean that I had to believe that God cared about me. I knew that my parents loved me, but I figured that was because they had to. I mean, what parent doesn’t love their own child? But I often thought that perhaps I was a disappointment. As I got older, I still did not see the significance in my life.
I was not suicidal, but I wondered why I was here? Why was I born? It’s not that I hated my life either. I had a good life. I loved the life that my parents gave me. I loved my childhood and my young adult years. I just did not understand my purpose. I didn’t feel that I was offering anything of significance to this world, or even to those I knew.
I remember one time I killed a bug and more or less “cursed” its existence. My father heard me and adamantly stated that there is a purpose for everything and everyone. Even the insects. God didn’t make mistakes.
It was not until I was an adult; married with children, that something clicked in my mind. See, all the time that I questioned my own existence and belittled God, I was using the gifts that He’d given me. I was writing, working with the youth, adults, and even teaching in the church. Yet, I would say things negative things about myself the whole time and I would not acknowledge that God endowed me with talent in order to serve my purpose. I had an epiphany about who Carla was one day, and my life changed for the better.
That epiphany was no doubt a breakthrough from God. It was then that I realized that God Himself gifted me. When I saw God, that is when I saw Carla. It was so clear to me then. I was not a mistake! I was not a disappointment! I was not insignificant! I was in existence from the time that God created the world. I was in God’s mind when He said, “Let there be.” I did not come to be on October 21, 1961. God already knew me! I already was! And all that was in me was to be used for my purpose in life.
We are all “wonderfully and fearfully” made by God. We were made with intention. God knew us before we were even conceived physically. When I realized that, I began to worship God like never before and to praise Him. To put myself down….His creation….was to put Him down. It’s a slap in God’s face to diminish who I am. Today, I walk in the knowledge and the power of who I am. I am handmade by God. And yes, He cares about me. Not only that, He loves me!
“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16 NIV
Carla Y. Nix
Live On Purpose Ministries